survival

survival mode:
you work so hard that you have no energy left to enjoy the results of your work
you get so tired that you can't sleep anymore
the paycheck is already spent before it arrives
the day overwhelms before it begins
the present feels not like a gift but another obstacle to be avoided
the energy is spent negating, refusing, or avoiding and there's none left for affirming, imagining, or advancing
every thought of give/share/cooperate/create is eclipsed by the list of unmet basic needs
future appears not as possibility but as more disaster recovery
reaction time to hurts, real or perceived, diminishes to one painful, imperceptible instantaneity
dreams and plans go overboard like deadweight on a sinking ship
a partner looks like an adversary, and their kindness looks like judgment, pity or anything else but kindness
breath forgets how to be prayer, or even nurture, or even maintenance, and becomes the sound of the heart retreating
all the answers all the blessings all the love that are still here, every moment, can barely make themselves heard over the small self's voice begging *please* for just an answer, just one blessing, just a little love...