what she needed (to hear)

"I know it's been years (she says), but I am still so full of anger at him.   That he just walked out of it.  That he walked out of it with everything:  the house, all the money, the good credit, the security.  Never once apologizing, never once taking responsibility for any of it.  Even though life is so good now, that anger is still alive."

I hear her loud and clear.  We have this battle in common.  But she's talking about a 10-year marriage.  My situation lasted a year (and that was too long, by several months).  I can't imagine what forgiving must be like for her.  Except that we have this in common too:  we gave it everything we had.  And far more than we had.  Time, energy, communication, money, sacrifice, support, good faith.  We gave heart, soul, mind, body.  And we came out of it looking a lot like...skeletons.  Psychically, at least. 

I'm resisting that urge to speak too quick, from my own experience instead of from patient empathy.  But something surfaces, and it seems worth sharing.  "What I came to, finally, was only this," I tell her.  "Yes, I would so like not to have given all of that to a person so uncaring and self-absorbed.  To someone who only took, while continuously asking for more and criticizing whenever I expressed a need.  And then spoke and acted like it was all no more than he had a right to.  Yeah, I'm still angry too.  All I've found to answer it with is this:  I am happy that I was the generous, kind, and open-hearted person that I appreciate me for being.  That at least I was consistent with myself.  And that I'm (somehow) still that person now."

She stares at me for a moment.  Then she shakes her head a little bit and says, "You know, after trying to put it into words all night long, I just heard you say exactly what I needed to hear.  Thank you."

And I wasn't expecting it, but those were some of the words that I needed to hear, too...